i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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