Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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