I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
