Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
