I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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