Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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