if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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