he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth