Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?