Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
