I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
