I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
