It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
