He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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