Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize