margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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