why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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