there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
