Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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