Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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