3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize