who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
