I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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