im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
