i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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