I'm laying in your front yard are you home
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
