i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
