He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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