Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
