So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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