so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
