ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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