I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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