He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
