Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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