just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
