First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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