I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
