Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
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He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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