she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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