My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
