He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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