I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
