I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
