I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just pee around me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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