So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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