WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i need some magic done to my vagina
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
