That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize