Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
