Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
