Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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