I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
