the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
