I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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