you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
