I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
