It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
