FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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