I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
