Do you still have your period?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
