FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize