Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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