she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
