I'm gonna have a badass scar
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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