I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
