If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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