i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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