One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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