Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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