i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
