He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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